


A friend I truly and most tenderly loved

by porgdameron



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 14:32:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9824729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porgdameron/pseuds/porgdameron
Summary: Everyone lives in a black-and-white world until they touch their soulmate.Alexander Hamilton always thought that his soulmate would be a woman - until he met John Laurens.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sorry.  
> I've spent the whole week researching Ham's life (thanks, school!) and...well, this happened. I might have killed a friend while writing this.  
> Anyways, the title is basically Alex' reaction to John's death. I got the quote from this cool site: https://www.nps.gov/vafo/learn/historyculture/johnlaurens.htm

He had been no stranger to the concept of homosexuality - there were people, called sodomites, on the islands he grew up on. They had to leave their country, he was told, because they did unspeakable, disgusting things. When his father left, his mother died, his cousin died, people stopped caring about him, he got to talk to them. He finally learned what they had done - and he didn't understand. He had never thought of the feelings he had as impure, as disgusting, as _wrong_. He had thought that everyone loved both boys and girls. When he learned that men who loved other men were killed just for being themselves, just for _loving_ someone, he was scared. What if his soulmate was a man? Would he be banned from his country, or worse: killed, too?  
Over the years, he tried to forget about his feeling, his fear. Even when he shared a bed with another boy at college, he managed to suppress his thoughts. Now, he was convinced that his soulmate would be a woman, that he was a normal man, that there was nothing wrong with him.  
Everything changed when he met John Laurens. His black-and-white world burst into colors as soon as he touched the other man.  
_Oh no._  
He looked up from where their hands were touching and saw the equally shocked expression of the other man, who whispered a curse, just loud enough for Alexander to hear. They had heard stories of others, others who were happy when they finally saw colors. The two of them were just scared, terrified even. When they realized that the others were staring at them, they tried to act like nothing happened. Because that's what happened: nothing. While Alexander tried to take his eyes off the other man's - his _soulmate's_ \- blue eyes, he was fully aware of the fact that his new group of friends - it felt so weird to call someone his friend - had their eyes on them.  
But they said nothing.  
By the end of the night, it was only the two of them in the nearly empty bar. The only other people there were the bartender and some completely drunk men. It seemed to be a more or less safe place to talk.  
"Don't tell anyone, _please_ ," Alexander finally said, breaking the silence.  
John stared at him for a few moments.  
"Why would I tell anyone? It could get me killed, too, you know," he answered, laughing a bit.  
Laughing to block out the knowledge that their love was illegal and could get them killed. It was a sad laugh.  
Every battle meant fearing to lose the other, to go back into a world without color, without happiness, without someone to live for. Having to leave the other's side was the worst part of it all: the knowledge that they might not be together when the world lost its colors again. Life became even harder for them when Elizabeth touched Alexander for the first time. She started smiling, laughing - she even hugged him. He could do nothing but pretend that he just started seeing those beautiful colors, too. Even when they decided to marry, he didn't tell her. In fact, he hadn't told anyone. He had sworn to keep this secret.  
"I'm actually married, too," John had said one evening.  
"But...why? I mean, she's not your soulmate, so why would you...?"  
"I thought that maybe...maybe when they tell you about 'touching' your soulmate, they mean something more intimate...and...well, she got pregnant. I didn't want to ruin a stranger's life with an illegitimate child, so...we married."  
"Does she know? That she's not your soulmate?"  
"No."  
They thought that after surviving Yorktown, after surviving years of fighting, nothing could kill them. For the first time, optimism filled their minds, they started thinking about their future, how they could live together without anyone finding out about their secret. John's wife could come to America, they said, they could all live together. But this dream would never come true.  
Alexander had just sent another letter to his soulmate, who was still fighting for their land, when the world suddenly lost its colors. He went back to a black-and-white world, it came so suddenly, he couldn't deal with this, it was too much. He lost the most important person in his life, along with being able to see the beauty in the world. Elizabeth tried to comfort him, he finally told her, he had to, or how could he explain that all the colors had left his life? It didn't help, he felt terrible because he wasn't there when the man he loved died, he would never see him again. All the plans they made, suddenly destroyed.  
When he finally died, he was happy. Happy to be reunited with his soulmate. Happy to go to a truly better place.


End file.
